What is it with me and the September blues? I seem to remember this time last year being full of panic attacks and sad, lonely nights. Things are a bit different time around, but this past week has been one of the more difficult I've had in a very long time. There is a laundry list of reasons why things are effecting me the way that they are and I know I just gotta stick my chip up and get through it. The sun will come out tomorrow....or at least in a few months.
I haven't even been back in country a full week and I'm on an overnight bus to northern Peru for 6 days. I am in charge of running an in-service training that I am incredably unprepared for because of the 6 weeks I've spent on medevac. No matter, I've taken lemons and made lemonade. Instead of heading back to Lima on an overnight bus on my birthday like I'm scheduled to do, I'm taking a few vacation days to hit up the supposed nicest beach in Peru. I hope everything works out okay. Last night I woke up at 4 in the morning in a full on panic attack and ran immediately to the bathroom to throw up.
Why this stuff happens to me I'll never know. Hopefully I won't have any problems on the bus tonight. I'm not taking my lap top on my trip, so when I come back a plan to have stories full of happiness and sunshine. But since I'll be out of Lima, even if I'm not elated with joy, at least there will be sunshine.
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
Sunday, September 21, 2008
Re-enty
I left Peru for my vacation back to the states on a major high. The two months before I left in early August, were some of the most memorable months of my life. Everything was going great. I was having incredible success at work, I was traveling to awesome places, I had the best social networks in Peace Corps and in Lima, I even managed to find time to run a marathon. I was actually really sad to leave Peru, even for two weeks. Why then, did I feel so afraid of returning after spending 6 weeks in California?
I arrived in Lima late after almost 24 hours of traveling. It was cold, dark (obviously, it was night) and even though I was in a city of 8 million people, I felt alone. I spent my first night back at my friends apartment. Her roommate, my best friend, returned to the states the same day I came back to Peru and the apartment felt strangely empty, quite and cold. Did I mention it's really cold and gray here! I couldn't pin point the source of my gloomy feelings. I settled on the notion that it was probably normal and the feelings would pass after a good night sleep and getting back to my routine.
The next day, I went to the Peace Corps office. All of the Peace Corps volunteers who had been evacuated from Bolivia were there, and it was a zoo. My doctor was so busy with all the Bolivian volunteers that she gave me a hug, asked how I was and then I didn't see her again. Coming off of medical evacuation, it seemed like I should have talked to some one about being back, but I was lost in a sea of more pressing matters.
Going back to Lurin and my host family was not something I was looking forward to, but I was surprised by how good it felt to see them. I sat and talked with them over lunch for a long time and got caught up on what I had missed since I'd been away. Apparently, I'd missed a lot. 3 of the 6 members of the family I lived with had had surgery. My hosts moms youngest son, who's 28, had left his girlfriend and 2 month old baby and moved back into our house. My host mom explained to me the reason that he had left was because “the man is in charge of the relationship and his girlfriend didn‘t know her place and was trying make decisions for herself“. Viviana had told me earlier that he is an alcoholic who would get drunk and beat his girlfriend, even when she was pregnant.
It made me really sad that the family I live with not only excepts this behavior, but actually blames the girlfriend. Well, I only know that my host mom blames the girlfriend. Viviana surely doesn't agree with what is happening and if I had to guess, my host dad probably thinks it's wrong as well. I have to decide how I feel about living with an abusive alcoholic.
Going to visit the homes where I work and see all the kids was really wonderful. There's nothing like a 100 girls and boys that adore you and are thrilled to see you, to cheer you up when you're feeling a little out of it.
Peace Corps informed me that I would be taking on a Bolivian volunteer to train. The evacuated volunteers have the choice of closing their service early or transferring to another country. Peru is taking on as many new volunteers as it can, so in October I will have a volunteer living and working with me for a few weeks to learn the ways of Peru before being sent out on their own. I'm looking forward to this and my host family is really excited to have another American moving in. I hope I get along with this volunteer, I will basically be spending 24 hours a day with them.
As I'm re-establishing my living and work situation, I have found solace in the place where I've always found solace; my friends. I went to a party last night with my friends in Lima. Over the past few months, the Lima crew has been shifting. People come and go all the time in our crowd. While I was gone a few new faces arrived and a few old ones said goodbye. Going out Saturday night was fantastic because it reminded me of all the good times I‘ve had and all the ones yet to come. Not only is our group constantly changing, but it's constantly growing and I find that each week, I have more and more friends. They were all so happy to have me be back and it finally felt good to be back.
Although, I'm still adjusting to the big things. It's cold, the streets are noisy, I look different and everybody stares at me. Things are a bit tougher than I expected them to be upon my return, but isn't that why I love this lifestyle after all, because it's challenging? I know things will get better as I get settled, especially this coming week. There will be tons of volunteers in Lima for several PC meetings, including some of my favorites: Danielle, Rachel and Jah to name a few. I will be in the office a lot working on the training I have this weekend. I'm going to Piura in northern Peru where it's sunny for a workshop. Then on Sunday, it's my birthday! Two Lima friends are flying (obviously they're Lima friends not Peace Corps friends as they are flying where I will be taking an overnight 15 hour bus ride) to Piura to spend my birthday with me. We are going to Mancora which is Peru's most popular beach destination. We get to stay in a nice place right on the beach (thanks mom) and have a really relaxing trip. My birthday last year was kind of rough so hopefully with another week I'll be feeling back to my old happy self. And eventually, I’ll get back to being on that major high I had before I left.
I arrived in Lima late after almost 24 hours of traveling. It was cold, dark (obviously, it was night) and even though I was in a city of 8 million people, I felt alone. I spent my first night back at my friends apartment. Her roommate, my best friend, returned to the states the same day I came back to Peru and the apartment felt strangely empty, quite and cold. Did I mention it's really cold and gray here! I couldn't pin point the source of my gloomy feelings. I settled on the notion that it was probably normal and the feelings would pass after a good night sleep and getting back to my routine.
The next day, I went to the Peace Corps office. All of the Peace Corps volunteers who had been evacuated from Bolivia were there, and it was a zoo. My doctor was so busy with all the Bolivian volunteers that she gave me a hug, asked how I was and then I didn't see her again. Coming off of medical evacuation, it seemed like I should have talked to some one about being back, but I was lost in a sea of more pressing matters.
Going back to Lurin and my host family was not something I was looking forward to, but I was surprised by how good it felt to see them. I sat and talked with them over lunch for a long time and got caught up on what I had missed since I'd been away. Apparently, I'd missed a lot. 3 of the 6 members of the family I lived with had had surgery. My hosts moms youngest son, who's 28, had left his girlfriend and 2 month old baby and moved back into our house. My host mom explained to me the reason that he had left was because “the man is in charge of the relationship and his girlfriend didn‘t know her place and was trying make decisions for herself“. Viviana had told me earlier that he is an alcoholic who would get drunk and beat his girlfriend, even when she was pregnant.
It made me really sad that the family I live with not only excepts this behavior, but actually blames the girlfriend. Well, I only know that my host mom blames the girlfriend. Viviana surely doesn't agree with what is happening and if I had to guess, my host dad probably thinks it's wrong as well. I have to decide how I feel about living with an abusive alcoholic.
Going to visit the homes where I work and see all the kids was really wonderful. There's nothing like a 100 girls and boys that adore you and are thrilled to see you, to cheer you up when you're feeling a little out of it.
Peace Corps informed me that I would be taking on a Bolivian volunteer to train. The evacuated volunteers have the choice of closing their service early or transferring to another country. Peru is taking on as many new volunteers as it can, so in October I will have a volunteer living and working with me for a few weeks to learn the ways of Peru before being sent out on their own. I'm looking forward to this and my host family is really excited to have another American moving in. I hope I get along with this volunteer, I will basically be spending 24 hours a day with them.
As I'm re-establishing my living and work situation, I have found solace in the place where I've always found solace; my friends. I went to a party last night with my friends in Lima. Over the past few months, the Lima crew has been shifting. People come and go all the time in our crowd. While I was gone a few new faces arrived and a few old ones said goodbye. Going out Saturday night was fantastic because it reminded me of all the good times I‘ve had and all the ones yet to come. Not only is our group constantly changing, but it's constantly growing and I find that each week, I have more and more friends. They were all so happy to have me be back and it finally felt good to be back.
Although, I'm still adjusting to the big things. It's cold, the streets are noisy, I look different and everybody stares at me. Things are a bit tougher than I expected them to be upon my return, but isn't that why I love this lifestyle after all, because it's challenging? I know things will get better as I get settled, especially this coming week. There will be tons of volunteers in Lima for several PC meetings, including some of my favorites: Danielle, Rachel and Jah to name a few. I will be in the office a lot working on the training I have this weekend. I'm going to Piura in northern Peru where it's sunny for a workshop. Then on Sunday, it's my birthday! Two Lima friends are flying (obviously they're Lima friends not Peace Corps friends as they are flying where I will be taking an overnight 15 hour bus ride) to Piura to spend my birthday with me. We are going to Mancora which is Peru's most popular beach destination. We get to stay in a nice place right on the beach (thanks mom) and have a really relaxing trip. My birthday last year was kind of rough so hopefully with another week I'll be feeling back to my old happy self. And eventually, I’ll get back to being on that major high I had before I left.
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
Some thoughts and photos from California
How do I sum up my trip back home? In one word, perfect. Perfect may not have been the word I would have chosen my first two weeks back when I was sick and miserable. But in the end, I am grateful because mono forced me to stop and take things slowly, as opposed to my normal modus operatus where I cram as many things possible into the allotted time. Initially, my two week vacation was packed with big events like weddings, musicals, tips to LA, hiking with this person, going out to dinner with that person, etc. Instead, I spent most of my time at home with uniform days consisting of waking up late, going to lunch with dad, hanging out with my brother, taking the dog for a walk and having dinner with the family. A little boring at times, but absolutely amazing over all. If it wasn't for getting sick, I wouldn't have had such quality time with my family. Something I feel one can never have enough of.
Since I was so sick when I arrived in the US, I didn't really experience the huge reverse culture shock I was expecting. But the things that did stick out to me were:
Drinking out of the drinking fountain and not getting sick
The traffic--slow, respectful drivers and quite roads (nobody honks)
So many nice cars on the streets
The warm sweet smell of the the california summer air
Air conditioning
Big beautiful trees
My dog--it was so nice to have a relationship with an animal that didn't consist of me throwing rocks at it
California clothing--shorts, skirts, and tank tops. I left my modest clothing in Peru
Attractive boys all everywhere I look
Realizing that all white people DO look alike
I was surprised at how different I felt in california, like my old self again I suppose I could say. It's hard to explain, but I actually feel like two different people: Cali Ali and Peru Ali. And I must admit I like Cali Ali better. I feel I can be more of myself in california, less inhibited. From the style of clothing I wear to the way I behave in public and the rules that dictate my life as a PCV. Being around my parents always makes me shed layers I normally put up with even the closest of friends so everything is exposed and I can't hide any of my emotions. This trip I really got down to my core which was really refreshing. I experienced so many emtions through my six week stay that it was like a detox on many levels.
There was an aspect of my trip that was a bit subdued, but for the most part, it was fun and relaxing. As I got healthier, I was able to do more and more stuff. My recovery and extra time allowed me to do all the things and more I had planned to do on my trip. But I got to enjoy them so much more because I wasn't rushing.
Here are a few photos of things I did on my trip to California
I went to Amber and Dave's wedding and it was Beautiful!
Did some dressing up and got back to my roots
Met up with old college friends in LA for brunch
Spent a weekend l reliving the glory days with my partner in crime, Steph
Went to a wedding with my family just outside of woodland
the wedding was the perfect reunion for all of my best friends from
high school
Spent a lot of time with woodland/Davis buddies "Krevan" a
nd their friends
Since I was so sick when I arrived in the US, I didn't really experience the huge reverse culture shock I was expecting. But the things that did stick out to me were:
Drinking out of the drinking fountain and not getting sick
The traffic--slow, respectful drivers and quite roads (nobody honks)
So many nice cars on the streets
The warm sweet smell of the the california summer air
Air conditioning
Big beautiful trees
My dog--it was so nice to have a relationship with an animal that didn't consist of me throwing rocks at it
California clothing--shorts, skirts, and tank tops. I left my modest clothing in Peru
Attractive boys all everywhere I look
Realizing that all white people DO look alike
I was surprised at how different I felt in california, like my old self again I suppose I could say. It's hard to explain, but I actually feel like two different people: Cali Ali and Peru Ali. And I must admit I like Cali Ali better. I feel I can be more of myself in california, less inhibited. From the style of clothing I wear to the way I behave in public and the rules that dictate my life as a PCV. Being around my parents always makes me shed layers I normally put up with even the closest of friends so everything is exposed and I can't hide any of my emotions. This trip I really got down to my core which was really refreshing. I experienced so many emtions through my six week stay that it was like a detox on many levels.
There was an aspect of my trip that was a bit subdued, but for the most part, it was fun and relaxing. As I got healthier, I was able to do more and more stuff. My recovery and extra time allowed me to do all the things and more I had planned to do on my trip. But I got to enjoy them so much more because I wasn't rushing.
Here are a few photos of things I did on my trip to California
I went to Amber and Dave's wedding and it was Beautiful!
Did some dressing up and got back to my roots
Met up with old college friends in LA for brunch
Spent a weekend l reliving the glory days with my partner in crime, Steph
Went to a wedding with my family just outside of woodland
the wedding was the perfect reunion for all of my best friends from
high schoolSpent a lot of time with woodland/Davis buddies "Krevan" a
nd their friends
Sunday, September 14, 2008
Too Much TV is Bad For the Brain but Easy on the Eyes
Of the long list of things I wanted to do during my trip home to California, sitting on the couch watching TV was not one of them. But because I got sick and my fantastic list went out the door along with my energy and motivation, I found myself sitting in front of the TV for hours on end. Luckily, I got sick at the perfect time to catch some stuff I definitely would have missed out on if I had been in Peru.
August sweeps started with the Olympics. I sat in the living room every night with my father for two weeks. It
's the one time every 4 years our favorite sport, track and field, is in the lime light. Even though I was not a fan of NBC's "prime time live" coverage, I still got to watch all of my favorite summer Olympic sports like gymnastics and beach volleyball. And this year, along with the rest of America, I was addicted to swimming. More specifically, I needed my nightly Michael Phelps fix. Michael Phelps helped revive feelings within me I feared may had gone extinct in Peru. Apart from those feelings, the Olympics bring out a whole bunch of other sentiments that have me feeling like a complete sap. I get so worked up by the emotion of the athletes and relive my former athletic glory days to the point that I actually tear up. I feel so much admiration and envy for the olympic athletes and as I cheer for them, I find that I am cheering for the USA. Then I start feeling this strange serge of pride for being an American and actually begin to route for our dominance over other countries. All the while the Peace Corps Volunteer inside is cheering for all the little guys.
After the olympics were over, I had two weeks of the Democratic and Republican National Conventions. I enjoyed watching both parties conventions, but the real entertainment was tuning ever night to the Daily Show and the Colbert Report for the real news. It's been very entertaining for me to watc
h all the controversies over Sarah Palin. By the way, I watched the season premier of Saturday Night Live tonight, and Tina Fey made a guest appearance to play Palin and I don't think I've ever seen a better political impersonation in my life! I would actually vote for McCain if he picked Tina Fey as his running mate. Also on SNL tonight, Michael Phelps was hosting and I fell in love with him a little mores with each dorky wig they made him wear. What am I going to do in Peru without my regular Phelps fix? I know, screw my previous dream ticket statement of McCain/Fey. I think the ultimate ticket would be Obama/Phelps. You know Michael Phelps has more foreign experience than Sarah Palin. Phelps won over the Chinese with his goofy smile, I bet Palin hasn't ever been to China. The image above is Tina Fey acting as Palin. There's also a more likely chance that Fey has been to China over Palin.
So as you can see, my time in front of the TV has been well spent. I've simultaneously been working on romantic endeavors and the future of US foreign policy. So While watching TV wasn't on my list of things to do in the US, I'm sure glad things worked out the way they did.
August sweeps started with the Olympics. I sat in the living room every night with my father for two weeks. It
's the one time every 4 years our favorite sport, track and field, is in the lime light. Even though I was not a fan of NBC's "prime time live" coverage, I still got to watch all of my favorite summer Olympic sports like gymnastics and beach volleyball. And this year, along with the rest of America, I was addicted to swimming. More specifically, I needed my nightly Michael Phelps fix. Michael Phelps helped revive feelings within me I feared may had gone extinct in Peru. Apart from those feelings, the Olympics bring out a whole bunch of other sentiments that have me feeling like a complete sap. I get so worked up by the emotion of the athletes and relive my former athletic glory days to the point that I actually tear up. I feel so much admiration and envy for the olympic athletes and as I cheer for them, I find that I am cheering for the USA. Then I start feeling this strange serge of pride for being an American and actually begin to route for our dominance over other countries. All the while the Peace Corps Volunteer inside is cheering for all the little guys.After the olympics were over, I had two weeks of the Democratic and Republican National Conventions. I enjoyed watching both parties conventions, but the real entertainment was tuning ever night to the Daily Show and the Colbert Report for the real news. It's been very entertaining for me to watc
h all the controversies over Sarah Palin. By the way, I watched the season premier of Saturday Night Live tonight, and Tina Fey made a guest appearance to play Palin and I don't think I've ever seen a better political impersonation in my life! I would actually vote for McCain if he picked Tina Fey as his running mate. Also on SNL tonight, Michael Phelps was hosting and I fell in love with him a little mores with each dorky wig they made him wear. What am I going to do in Peru without my regular Phelps fix? I know, screw my previous dream ticket statement of McCain/Fey. I think the ultimate ticket would be Obama/Phelps. You know Michael Phelps has more foreign experience than Sarah Palin. Phelps won over the Chinese with his goofy smile, I bet Palin hasn't ever been to China. The image above is Tina Fey acting as Palin. There's also a more likely chance that Fey has been to China over Palin.So as you can see, my time in front of the TV has been well spent. I've simultaneously been working on romantic endeavors and the future of US foreign policy. So While watching TV wasn't on my list of things to do in the US, I'm sure glad things worked out the way they did.
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