Saturday, September 29, 2007

Bathroom adventures

Before this morning, I hadnt gone to the bathroom in three days. Not for lack or trying mind you, believe me, I tried. I knew I eventually would, but also I knew when I did, it was not going to be very pleasant. I was totally in heaven at the all you could eat meat buffet. It was so wonderful it was almost euphoric. Almost, because in the back of my mind I knew I was just adding fuel to the fire. I was just hoping I wouldnt have to reap the repercussions on my birthday. I was already feeling a bt sad because I said goodbye to Adrienne and I didnt get a call from my parents or anyone else from home ( To know fault of theirs, Im sure they tried but of course nothing EVER works here so they couldnt get through).

A bunch of us went out to a bar and it was great because I got to get to know some new volunteers from different groups who are super fun. The girls went home around three and the guys went home a bit later. I woke up for the first time around 6 in the morning. I felt awful. I did drink a decent amount and only went to bed a few hours before so I at first I tried to pass of pain on that, however Im sure it didnt help anythng. After laying there miserably for a few minuets I decided to have a try at the bathroom. Success! But it didnt make me feel that much better. And for the next 3 hours I went back to the bathroom probably 5 or 6 times before 3 days worth and an all you can eat meat buffet finally came full circle. The whole experience was very painful, but finally after getting up and taking a shower I felt normal again. It might now seem like an ideal place for this to happen. I was sleeping in a dorm style hostal with 5 other people and everytime I got up the wood floor made noise and every opened their eyes each time a came and went. Also, it may not seem ideal that I had to take care of my business in a not so private dorm style bathroom. Im actually relieved I did it there than back at home where there is even less privacy and I would have gone through so much water bucket flushing the toilet that many times. Not to mention the hostal bathrooms felt so clean and comfortable compared to mine, not to mention they have toilet seats and flushing toilets. So thats my story. They gave us so many preventative steps on how not to get diarrhea, but none for the opposite problem. Thats my story, hope it wasnt too gross. Between PCVs talking about our bowel movements has become like talking about the weather.

Friday, September 28, 2007

24

Yeah Im posting on my Bday, just to let you all know how awesome its been so far. Im basically having a 4 day celebration. Yesterday I went into training with Adrienne, Jah and Jake. It was just like old times. I laughed so hard I forgot what it felt like. I visited my host mom and went around with Adrienne while she said her goodbyes to everyone. It was actually kind of hard in that sense. A lot of people cried and I was there for support and to make those awkward moments a little more bearable.

Me and Adrienne cooked dinner with Marui (our totally fabulous tech trainier) and at her house in Lima. Then, we went over to Mikes (our other totally awesome tech trainer) and drank beer with him catching up and saying goodbye all at the same time. Then I went back to Adriennes hostel room and crashed. It was cold, so we cuddled.

This morning I went to the VAC meting. It was really informative but it lasted 4+ hours so I was pretty happy when it was over. About 20 of us went out to lunch at an all you can eat meat buffet. You know, the kind where waiters walk around with big skewers of meet until you can do no more. It was especially awesome cause Ive been meat deprived these days. The lunch was really great cause I got to hand out with old friends, new volunteers and staff members. The PC staff are super cool. Most of them are Peruvians so our conversations are always a mix of spanish and english. And all the waiters came up with candle lit desert and sang. After working at the cheesecake factory for so long I pretty much despise the birthday song, but was fun I have to admit.

So now Im back at the office and getting ready to head to Miraflores where a bunch of us are gonna go out. Hopefully I wont party too hard, cause I have to be at the orphanage for my birthday celebration and then sunday I have a big birthday lunch with my host family. I think Im gonna be pretty ready for my bithday finally end once october rolls around.

Wednesday, September 26, 2007

Over and Out

Dont feel much like writing today. Everythings going just fine. As usual Im wasting time before I go to the gym. Just thought Id share with you all how my Doctor signed his last email he sent out to all us PCVs....


Take care and dont get pregnant :-)

Chao

Jorge

Maybe nobody else finds this funny, but it made me smile and I felt like sharing it. Thats all.

Tuesday, September 25, 2007

Just like and episode on Cribs

Okay dudes, here they are. Photos of what my site looks like. When I say I live out in the middle of nowhere, I mean it. This is a picture taken from my front porch. As Ive said, I literally live amongst the farms.







This is my house. The window on the left is my house and the window on the right and the window on the right is where one of my host moms daughter lives with her family. All in all there are 14 people that live in this cozy set up. That brick structure on top of the house is my room.






This is me standing right outside my house. My "town" is a row of ramshackle houses built up against the side of a dirt hill.










This is taken right outside my bedroom. As you can see the dirt hill jets up right out the back of our house.







This is the long, unlit dirt road I have to walk down to get to Lurin. I cant tell you how many stares and cat calls I get when I walk down this road. Its dangerous at night so I have to find other means to get home if Im out past sun down









This s my bathroom. On the right is toilet and on the left is the shower. Just a thin shower curtain separates this area from the kitchen. Modesty and privacy are very loose concepts.









So then this is a residential street in Lurin.










This is what the houses look like just 5 minuets away from where I live









This s the main street in Lurin where all the restaurants, internet cafes and shops are.








This is the town square in Lurin. The very standard yellow cathedral thats in most town in Peru. Its cute, would be even cuter if the sun would come out.
So yeah, thats my site. I know the pictures arent much, but it was a pain in the butt to finally get them uploaded. And hopefully it gives you a faint idea of where it is that I live.

Monday, September 24, 2007

Change of Plan

I had a great entry planned for all my faithful readers. I set a side a morning the other day to go around and take pictures. Everyone that reads my blog has made a comment on how they cant really picture or imagine what its like. So I took pictures of the little row of houses where I live, of the farms all around me, of my house its self and of Lurin as well. Of course now that Ive gotten to the internet, its not working. Ive tried three different computers, so I guess Im gonna have to go home and make a new game plan. So instead of having fun pictures to look at, Im gonna do a little venting.

Much like my pictures and the internet, nothing works or goes according to plan. Im a very go with the flow person. I seemed to be able to roll with the punches much better than the majority or people in my group. But this weekend and today, everything seems to be wearing on me. For example. Not only can I not get the compter to read my disk and my pictures, the internet wont open half the pages I want it too and there is a screaming baby in the internet cafe. The parents seem to think its cute, but I want to punt it over a field goal (is that wrong?). The German volunteer at the hogar seems to be in the same rut as I am. She finally fell victim to the million germs all the kids cough onto our food and got sick. I went with her to the pharmacy cause her spanish still isnt great. She said she wanted something for sinus pain and congestion. It was very clear. The pharmacists gave us something for exactly that, so she said. The next day, Antonia couldnt get out of bed she felt so sick. She new there was something wrong with the medication. She called a doctor and turns out, the lady at the pharmacy gave her medication for kidney stones. This was no miscommunication. The pharmacists just had no idea what she was doing. I was warned about this. pharmacists here are not people who are educated about medicine or symptoms, its an unskilled job just as if she were selling candy. Her mistake was realitively harmess, just have Antonia severe stomach pain. But those are the kind of mistakes that can be fatal.

To give her a break from the Hogar and the kids and the sisters, I planned on taking Antonia to the gym on saturday to take the dance class with me. Of course, as soon as we walked all the way to Lurin, all the power in the town went out. We waited an hour, but it never came back on. So no class. I had arranged my whole schedule to try to accommodate all the plans I had made with out neglecting anyone. Instead of spending the evening with Danielle like I would have preferred, I knew I had to honor the plans I made with Antonia. So Danielle and I decided we would have dinner together in Lima on sunday before she got on her overnight bus for Lambeyeque. Danielle went back to training to see her old host family. She thought it would take just a few hours but ended up having to visit 5 other families, and then it was too late for her to meet up with me. So I never got a chance to spend anytime alone with Danielle.

I really wish that A--this child would stop screaming or B--his parents would take him outside.

This morning I did not want to get out of bed. So, I didnt. I didnt wake up until 10:30. I went downstairs, ate my cereal and took my instant coffee with canned milk in it up to my room and sat in bed and read till 1. I felt pretty miserable. I think theres something more than whats going on around me thats effecting me. I think there are some definite hormonal abnormalities going on here. Im usually a lot more level than this. But whatever, thats why I stayed in bed this morning, just gotta wait it out.

Then finally I decided it was time to do something with my day. Laundry. Laundry is hard in my house because there are 10 people who need their clothes washed every week. The few days I had time to do my laundry this past week I was unable to because the laundry machine and clothes lines were already occupied. It seems like Im lucky having laundry machine, but Im pretty sure the process it takes to do laundry in this machine actually takes more time and effort than it would to wash my clothes by hand. Let me explain the process.

1. Ask my host mom if I can do my Laundry
2. The Laundry machine is kept in its box in the kitchen. Whenever somebody wants to do laundry they need to take it out of its box, move it to the other room, and set it up. Seeing as there are people doing their laundry everyday and this process has to be done everytime, it makes perfect sense that we keep it in its box in the kitchen.
3. Connect a plastic hose from bathroom sink to the washing machine and fill the washing tub.
4. Put in clothes and soap.
5. Turn on for 10 minuets and allow soap, water and clothes to mix around.
6. Drain soapy water into buckets that we will later us to bucket flush our toilet.
7. put first half of wet clothes into the second compartment and let it spin around for 2 minuets allowing most of the soapy dirty water to be rung out of the clothes
8. Do the same to the second half.
9. Refill the wash tub full of clean water from the bathroom sink and put clothes back in.
10. turn the machine on and let clean water mix around with the half soapy half dried clothes.
11. Drain this water into more buckets which we will use to bucket flush he toilet.
12. Put half the load into the spin dry compartment and let spin around for 3 minuets. The clothes have to be put in this compartment just right, or else they have to be reloaded. I usually have to reload 2 or 3 times. Each time I load it incorrectly, you can hear it and my host mom comes wondering in to tell me I need to reload it. Duh.
13. Do the same process with the second half of the load.
14. Take the clothes our and hand them up to line dry.

I had to do this process with 2 loads of laundry today. It took 3 hours. And you really cant do anything else while your doing all this because every 5 minuets you have to be doing something. So, laundries a pain, but I guess it gives me something to do and a way to kill a whole afternoon. I have to admit. I felt better doing my laundry than at any other point during the day.

By the way, the baby is still screaming. Seriously?

Friday, September 21, 2007

Random Rambling

After a bit of a gloomy week, I am feeling much better. Yesterday I was talking on a phone to one friend, and another friend called on the other line. Because the conversation we were having was pretty serious I didnt click over. After I finished my conversation, I listen to the message. It was Danielle apologizing for not calling me back the other night and then casually mentioned that she was on a bus to Lima at the moment. What!? one of my best friends coming to Lima and she not telling me until the last moment? So I rearranged my schedule to day to go into Lima for the afternoon. Danielle will be in Lima all weekend, but the reason she came in was because she is Jewish and this weekend in Yom Kippur (spelling?), which means she was going to be in temple tonight, tomorrow and wouldnt be able to east or drink for the rest of the day. So I got to enjoy Danielles last meal before her fast. It was so great to sit with a friend and share our experiences of site over the last month. We havent seen each other in 4 weeks, but it didnt feel like that much time had passed. We laughed a lot and had a Starbucks. Even though it was only a few hours, I felt regenerated as I was going back to site. I didnt realize how badly I needed to just escape everything for a bit, see a friend and speak some English.

On my ride back to site, Lillian called me and we re going to organize a dinner at her house sunday night (in Lima) and invite the jewish girls that are in town for the weened. So I get to see Danielle one more time before she leaves. On top of all that, I have Jake and Jah in town next weekend. So Im totally on cloud nine compared to how I was feeling just yesterday.

I have gotten so many wonderful messages from every one, mainly team Woodland. You guys are my light in the storm and I can never express how your support and words of encouragement help me through the lonliest days. I have to agree with my mom, Amber, you are a gem of a friend. Im even so touched that catherine, who I was under the impression never used computers or the internet, has commented.

In response to my moms comment about the contradicting ideas that I live with a family that doesnt have enough money to buy enough meet, yet my gym is full of women who want to loose weight. I think this is a perfect example of the problems in Peru. I always have such a hard time trying to describe what its like in Peru. Lima is a classified as a third world country. It one of the poorest countries in all of South America. But at the same time it is modernizing at a very rapid pace. 50% of the population lives below the poverty line, less than two dollars a day, but changes are everywhere. Where I live for example, Buena Vista, is a very poor town. The town has no running water. My family is one of the few houses that has water. A truck brings water twice a week and a house is run through our house to fill a giant tank up on the roof. Gravity does the rest of the work bringing the water from the roof to out faucet and shower. We eat meals that consist of rice and potatoes cause we cant afford much else. That is the reality for the majority of Peruvians. In Lurin, there is a bit more money. The gym is brand new, only a few months and is a good example of how things are changing.

Like technology and other ideas of modernization, the idea of being thin has transcended borders. Peruvian women are on the rounder side. Their very traditional role of baby maker and cook has not produced a skinny, fit society. Its hard to grasp their concept of what health and weight. This is a broad generalization, but Peruvians dont seem to have a clue about nutrition. Body image is very important in latin american countries, and I feel US idea on the importance of being skinny clashes with the latin idea of curvaceous and voluptuous women. I really dont know where Im going with this, and dont think Im making any sense. So I guess Ill just stop there.

Wednesday, September 19, 2007

Gray skies are gonna clear up?

So yesterday I got pretty bumbed out. The worst Ive felt since my first week. I think a large part of it is the weather. I have always had sunshine in my life. Even the year in spain, which was the longest, coldest winter of my life, was sunny most days of the week. But the sun just does not come out here, ever. It makes me not want to get out of bed in the morning. That combined with the fact that heating is not something that exists. Houses are indoor out door buildings here. The stair way in our house leads from the kitchen to outside with no door or anything. This also leads to massive amounts of flies constantly buzzing around the house. There are usually around 20 or more flies in the living room and god knows how many flies meandering around my lunch and dinner which are left out all day and night. And its still winter and freezing. Ive been told the flies get bad in the summer time. Last time I checked, 20 flies in your living room and 40 more in the kitchen was bad. So even though I am counting down the days till I can step out of the house wearing less than 4 layers of clothing, I am definitely not looking forward to the increase or disease spreading pests in my house.

I finished Harry Potter yesterday, and like I predicted, I was immediately sad afterwards. Not that I didnt like the end, and not to give anything away but, I totally called it. I didnt have any plans yesterday, and knew I needed to get out of the house and not wallow around all day being miserable. I desperately needed a hair cut so I figured yesterday was the perfect day. Where I live is very humid. My hair is long, thin, tangley, dry at the bottom and oily at the top. I shower when I can and there is no mirror in my house. The long hair style that Ive been sporting the last two years just wasnt working. I figured a good shoulder length cut would the most practical. Its easier to wash and dry but I can still throw it up in a pony tail or a french braid on the days I dont shower. So I went into the hair cutting place and told the lady this. What I ended up with is so far from what I told her I wanted. My hair before was a strait across cut, I told her I wanted it a strait, easy to manage style. Yet, some how I ended up with the craziest layers Ive ever had, and its way shorter than I told her. Now I cant even put my hair up in a pony tail without a bunch of hair clip, and a braid is out of t e question. It dosent look bad at all, its actually pretty cute, but I just dont have the means of taking care of it. And when its not done, its looks bad. So that really put a damper on my already gloomy day.

My only comfort yesterday, was going to the gym. Something Ive realized about gyms and Peru, is that Peruvians only go to the gym when they want to loose weight. Well, I guess thats true more for women. My aerobics instructor, whom I shower with every day after class, looked me up and down one day and asked if I wanted to loose weight. I said no, I just like exercising. She seemed to be the only one who understands that I exercise for fun. Word has spread in my little town and at my work that I go to the gym in Lurin and all the women ask me why I go, cause I dont need to loose weight. I get the same response out from the women in my class and many people have flat out asked me how much I weigh. I get out of that question by telling them we dont use Kilos in my country so I dont know. Every one at my gym now knows me and call me by my name. I cant decide if this is a good thing or a bad thing. Yes, it is nice going somewhere where everybody knows me and I have people to chat with. But at the same time, sometimes its nice to go to the gym to escape exactly that and just get in the zone and not have to worry about any one but myself.

I was still feeling a bit down today. I definitely have hit a small bumb in the road and know that Im gonna have to push through this week. I got next week to look forward to so for now I just gotta get through what looks to be rough couple of days.

Monday, September 17, 2007

Happy 18th Zack!

So Im pretty sure my brother has never read my blog in his life, never the less he gets the top billing today. Not only is it he the big 1-8, but today was also his very first day of college. A big day indeed. Strangely enough, my 18th birthday also fell on my first day of college. It was a bit lonely not knowing anybody and asking people I hardly knew to go out to dinner with me to celebrate and I got really lost on my way to my first class and strolled in 20 minuets late and thought I was never going to survive college. Well Zack, if I can do it, I have no doubt you will not only make it, but love the 4 fabulous years of learning and growing. Good luck, and Happy Birthday! I miss you lots and I wish I could be there for this awesome part of your life.

Back to my awesome life.... Yesterday I went to the training center to welcome in Peru 10 and give a talk about living with host families. I consider myself an expert now that I am currently living in my 4th home stay. It was so cool going back to the training center and meeting the new group. It wasnt weird at all, it felt more normal than anything Ive been doing lately. The group had just arrived at the center for the first time coming strait from their retreat. They hadnt even met their hots families yet, so it was a little awkward. All of there questions were more about site and Peru in general then they were about host families and training. I bet today, after their first night with their families, they wish they would have asked a few more questions.

It was really neat to watch them and listen to their concerns. It was long ago at all that I felt the same nervous/excited anxiety of anticipation and unknowing. The Peace Corps is really good at that. It was only then that I realized for the first time in a year and a half I actually knew and understood what lays ahead of me in my Peace Corps service. Peru 10 however, has a way to go until theyll get it. I was happy to share what could with them. One thing I found totally crazy was when they would ask me a question and I would answer with what I had done in that situation and as I was telling the story, somebody else would finish it for me. I was taken aback each time, I looked at them confused and asked if I had already told them that. They said no, they said they had read it on my blog. I remember pouring over all the blogs of Peru PCVs before I came to Peru. It was cool realizing that the tides have changed and now 39 volunteers will actually look for me because I have experience. I dont feel like I have any answers at all, but I guess thats how the other PCVs felt as I was picking their brain of all the details of PC life.

I got to see all the old host families from taining as they came to pick up their new volunteers. I got to know a decent amount of families during training. So much so that I felt like I was seeing old friends. Ive been invited to so many of their houses to visit, it was very heart warming. Upon my return back to site, I noticed that every little thing my current host family was doing was irritating me more than normal. I guess its cause going back to training and seeing the new group and all their excitement, made me really miss my own group, all my friends. Even though it made me a bit nostalgic, Im glad I went. In a way it gave me a bit of a second wind. I hope I will be invited back to the training center over the next 3 months, Peru 10 seems like really great group and I hope they love their time in training, I know I did.

Friday, September 14, 2007

So, what have you been up to lately?

Something I forgot to say in my last entry about Harry Potter was that my mom bought this last book for me as well. I’m sure the usual reasoning that she is always encouraging me to read played a role, but the big reason I asked her to buy it for me is that it is just so dang expensive down here. Back in the states, I think it runs about $25 maybe $30. But here they charge $40. Convert that into the local currency and the book cost me 125 soles. To put that into perspective, my room and board here only costs me 100 soles. So I have a bit more respect for the book now that it cost me more than my rent. Enough about Harry Potter already. Where was I? Oh yeah, PERU!

I feel like I’ve been leading on the idea that I’m fairly miserable and I’ve been doing nothing. That’s not what it’s like at all. I’m actually really enjoying myself, although I do have fumbling moments of uncertainty from time to time. I’ve learned to enjoy the awkward moments of the integration period. If you are able to keep the right frame of mind about you, it’s very entertaining and being able to look back at the time when you had no idea what you were doing and think about all the mistakes you made and how far you’ve come since that time. it makes you happy you stuck out the hard days and uncomfortable situations. Here’s a high light reel of the things that have happened and the observations I have made over the past few weeks.

  • I went running with the German volunteer from one of the Hogars. We got chased by lots of stray dogs and decided if we go again, we’re gonna have to make a better plan so that we don’t get rabies. I’m trying not to spend too much time with Antonia though, because as easy and nice as it is, she’s only here for 2 months so I don’t want to get to used to her.
  • One of the nuns mother died this past Sunday. I was the only one in the room when she got the phone call. She was crying of course and I have no idea what the proper words of sympathy are in Spanish. Not to mention, she‘s a nun and I didn‘t know if I was supposed to say something about god and heaven. So, what did I do? I fled. I know it sounds bad, but I figured it was better than saying something really inappropriate. It was probably the most uncomfortable situation I’ve had to date
  • After the passing or Sor. Maria’s mother, they held the viewing of the body at the orphanage! Can you believe it? They locked the kids upstairs all day while visitors came to view the body that rested peacefully in the cafeteria, while all the nuns and German volunteers served them coffee. In the upstairs rooms, the kids went crazy. I was only there for a few hours, it was all I could take. They all knew there was a dead body down stairs and they all wanted to see it. I’ve never wanted to put children into cages so badly in my whole life.
  • I got invited to my first party! I was walking down the dirt road when three guys on bikes past me. Ready to put up my best defenses from the cat calls I thought I would receive, one of the guys stopped and all though I didn’t recognize him, it turned out to be Bianca’s boyfriend’s uncle and his sons. I excepted the invitation to the birthday party, because I’m desperate to meet people. Besides Claudio’s sons, the party was entirely people in their 40’s 50’s and 60’s. Incuding toothless women in hats and poyeras (the typical dress for women from the mountains). The whole 4 hours I was there they played hauyno music and I was forced to dance. Huayno is the traditional music from the Andean culture, to me, calling it music is a stretch. I really don’t like it, but all the people at the party got a huge kick out of watching the white girl dancing Huayno.
  • I’ve been to the gym in Lurin twice. It’s not anything like a gym in the states. They only have 4 machines and the treadmill is the kind you have to move manually. You have to hold the hand rails in order to do it. The weights are pretty standard, but I decided my main purpose at the gym would be taking classes. This is a bit of a process however. The classes don’t start until 8 at night. Because it is dark by 630 and I can’t be out where I live alone at night, I leave my house 6 and walk the half hour to Lurin. I bring a book or something to do. I go to a café and sit and read, watch TV and drink coffee for an hour and a half. Then I go to the gym and change (which is interesting because their Locker room is a coed space that is separated from the arobics area by a few wall dividers and no door. Then I wait some more at the gym because this is Peru and nothing starts on time. Finally the class gets going. Its all women and they are all clad in spandex, which is only flattering on about 2 people. There is no warm up and no stretching. But the classes are fun. Yesterday, the instructor turned off the music half way through and made every one give the white girl a round of applause for being white, seriously. Then after the class I talk to some of the ladies and then shower. They have hot, non sulfery showers. Its wonderful. But they are locker room style, so I get good naked bonding time with the ladies in my class. So after all is said and done I leave the gym around 930 and take a moto taxi home. I get home a little before 10. So the whole process of simply going to the gym takes me 4 hours. But I always feel so great after I get home, it makes it all worth it.
  • Last week was my host dads birthday so we had a big dinner with about 15 family members and me. We had one bottle of wine, which was split 15 ways. They even give the 1 year olds their own cup. I don’t really see the harm in giving a small child a sip or two of wine, but after Diego finished is half ounce of 13% alcohol, he wouldn’t sit still and demanded to be let down so he could run around the living room and grab everything he could reach. Now, this kid is about 14 months old. All he does all day is run around the living room picking stuff up and throwing it on the floor. He’s a toddler, that’s what they do. So the family was watching his very normal behavior after his sip of booze and kept saying is a very distasteful manner “he’s drunk, look at the bad baby, he’s so drunk”. Alight, A--he’s not drunk from one sip of alcohol and B--why did you give him the alcohol in the first place?! It was mildly annoying to me.
  • One of my host sisters knocks on my door every night, sometimes two or three times, and asks what I’m doing. I’m usually cuddled up in my bed reading and not wanting to be disturbed. Last night, after I had just got home from the gym and changing, she knocked on my door. The usual question of what I was doing arose and I told her I was changing, but she didn’t leave. She wanted to know about the gym and what I did there. Then she asked me how to loose weight. This may not seem too weird, but I assure it was very awkward, she’s only 14 (I think). I told her diet and exercise but she didn’t seemed satisfied. Then she said she wanted a favor, she asked if she could borrow 10 soles. I was completely opposed to the idea, but didn’t know how to say no. They warn us about this in training. They say people only see dollar signs when they look at us and 95% of the time, never return what they’ve borrowed. I feel very elitist in this house with my multi-grain cereal and soy milk, my laptop and cell phone, my gym membership and so forth. I feel bad that I have this stuff and they don‘t. I told her I didn’t have 10 soles, which was true. I had a few 20’s but I wasn’t about to give those to her. I ended up giving her 4 soles. We’ll see if she ever pays it back. I almost hope she doesn’t so if she ever asks again I can say she never paid me back the first time.

So, these are just a few of the events that have highlighted my life thus far. It’s now Friday, and looking back on the goals I set for myself for this week, I’d say I did fairly well. I definitely hung out a bit more and talked to a lot more people than I have in the previous weeks. Tonight I am going to mass with my family here in Buena Vista and hopefully I will get the opportunity to meet a few more community members. I wanted to go to the gym again tonight, but I giving church presidence, which hopefully will not become a habit. I am looking forward for this Sunday when I get to welcome Peru 10 and get to leave dreary Lima for a day and hang out with Lillian and Dennis (also welcoming in the new group) in the warm sun of the training center.

Wednesday, September 12, 2007

Harry Potter and the Wandering Soul

Ive never been much of a reader. My mom encouraged me throughout my life to read more. Unfortunately, words were never really my thing. You know-- spelling, words in other languages, really big words in my own language-- have always given me trouble. Between this and not being able to sit still for more than 5 minuets, reading was something I rarely did when I had to, let alone as a leisure activity. Even to this day I am an embarrassingly slow reader. I probably read at around a 9th grade reading level. I dont even know about that, 9th graders read Shakespeare. Speaking of great literary works....I picked up my first Harry Potter when I was 21. I had been in Spain a little over a month and was looking for a way to pass the time. I started with the third book, The Prisoner of Azkaban (dont pretend like you didnt know that). I was hooked.

I found salvation from boredom in a book that I actually enjoyed reading. I didnt dread coming home from school at the end of the day to a depressing, lonely room. I raced home so I could jump in my bed and pick up where I last left Harry, Ron and Hermione. I read the Goblet of Fire as I was traveling around Europe in December. I spent many a romantic night alone with Harry on softly lit, first class train car. I cant think about Christmas 2004 without thinking about Harry Potter and the Goblet of fire (oh Cedric). In Contrast to the landscape of the dark, snowy mountain sides of switzerland and austria, I read the 5th book of the series on the shores of the Costa del Sol during semana santa. My parents and Zack came to spain for the easter holiday. I spent the days turning the pages on the coast of the Mediterranean drinking sangria with my mom. I waited to read the book until my brother was there so I could share my excitement about the Order of the Phoenix with him (oh Sirius). I had to wait for the 6th book to come out. I was in Rhode Island and was the first time I was one of the eager fans awaing the next phase of the story. My mom, very supportive of the fact I was electing to read on my own, bought the book for me. In between shifts at the Dunes Club, I escaped to the beach to get in as much as I could of the Half Blood Prince (oh Dumbledor).

I could hardly wait for the next two years for the final chapter to be published. But Once I arrived in Peru I made the decision to wait just 2 more months after it came out. I wanted to wait till site. I knew site was going to be hard and lonely at first, and I wanted to save it. Ive never read a Harry Potter in California. Harry Potter means so much more to me than just a silly story about a wizard. Hes been with me through some of the biggest transitions of my life, and here he is again, in perhaps the biggest yet. I bought the 6th book the day I moved to site. But I couldnt read it the first week. I couldnt concentrate. I think I got through the first 3 sentences before I concluded I wouldnt pick the book up again until I was calm and ready. Ive been at it for 2 weeks now. Im only on page 300, roughly half way, and its not because I am a slow reader. For one, I get so caught up in the story, I usually have nightmares about harry if I read right before I got to bed. So I try to read only during the daytime, the last thing I need right now is to get all worked up in the middle of the night when Im trying to cool and relaxed. Second, I dont want the book to be over. I like knowing I have something to go home to. Even on the days where I dont have a thing planned, I know I will be able to spend at least a few happy hours with harry and the gang. Lastly, Im scared about what will happen. Ive been told a lot of people die and I am so dang attached to these characters, I dont want to know. Im always so depressed when I finish a book, so I am trying to take my sweet time with the deathly hollows. I know, much like my time in spain and Europe, I will look back at my first month in Peru and think of Harry Potter. Although this time I am not in a cozy, first class train car, or on a private beach of a swanky resort. I am in cold, foggy, lonely Peru. Which I know, one day, I will look back on as fondly as I do the other adventures Harry has followed me on.

Sunday, September 9, 2007

A day in the life

Just to give you all an idea of what my life is like now that I am at site. Today I woke up at 930. This is definitely sleeping in by my standards. Although I have nothing to do in the mornings, or the whole day for that matter, I force myself to get up everyday between 7 and 8. I take my box or Cereal, that I have to buy in Lima and hoard in my room, downstairs and sit and eat my wheat flakes and soy milk in silence. Some times the 1 year olds are already in full force and running around like crazy. On those days I sit in silence and watch the chaos unfold around me.
Ive been averaging about showering one in every three days. Its so cold right now and the thought of a freezing shower is hard to psych yourself up for everyday. So on the days that I actually conjure the energy to deal with a shower, I do so after breakfast. The water smells like sulfur, and I havent actually felt clean since I got to site. All the less motivation I have to shower regularly. Then, during the morning hours, I find something to do. This past week, I went to Lima every day to try and get my bank stuff taken care of. It still is not all settled, so Ill be going back again on monday. I have no idea how Im going to pass the hours of the morning once I dont have to run to Lima everyday.
Lunch has varied from day to day. My host family eats the same thing for lunch as they dinner. And its usually just rice and potatoes, sometimes with really weird chicken parts thrown in there. My favorite is chicken foot soup. So sometimes for lunch, Ill go into Lurin and eat a restaurant. Its very reasonable and I get a starter, entree and drink for about $1.25. Some days I go to the Hogar early and eat with the kids. The food is pretty good, but I have to deal things like them sneezing directly onto my plate. Then, if Im at the Hogar I usually stay all afternoon and play with the kids or do whatever activity Ive organized. On the days that I dont go into the hogar, I go home and sit in my room and read or play free cell on my computer. Every other evening I wonder into Lurin, to use the internet, by milk or whatever random food item I need and get a cup of tea at a cafe.
I have attempted going to the gym a few times. It has never been open. I really dont get it. The other day I was ringing the doorbell, like they told me to do and man walked by and told me they are only open in the evenings. Thats kind of a bummer for me, but I will make it work some how. Especially cause they have warm water showers. The evening I spend at home. I eat dinner, sometimes with the family, sometimes alone. It mostly depends on them. There isnt always food either. Sometimes they eat it all and dont leave me any and its dark and too late to leave the house to get some food. On those nights I just have a bowl of cereal. Then I go back to my room for the rest of the night. I usually talk on my phone for at least an hour a night. I talk to other volunteers mostly, but sometimes my parents too. Then I read, listen to music, watch old episodes of Greys anatomy and play free cell till I feel sleepy.
Thats my life. Not all that exciting, but its only the second week.

Saturday, September 8, 2007

Sucks to be you(th)

While, it doesn't actually suck to be youth, it is definitely challenging. I managed to go the whole week with only one panic attack, and overall, I am feeling a bit more confident in day to day life. I still have a long way to go, of course. I was able to keep myself pretty busy this week. But I was in Lima for a few days taking care of bank and phone stuff. I have a few goals for this coming week. One, is to stay at site until Sunday. Ive spent a lot of time hanging out with the last of my friends and taking care of stuff in Lima, that I already feel like I'm behind on this whole integration thing. In talking to other volunteers from my group, the ones who have been hanging around, doing nothing, are the ones who seem to be meeting the most people and settling in the best. I feel like I will go crazy if I don't have stuff to do, but another one of my goals for the week is to take it down a notch. I need to stop focusing on being busy and start relaxing. I need to just wander around and talk to people.
I definitely have a disadvantage in my site in that my counterparts are not part of the community I live in. I don't have anyone to show me around and introduce me to people. I'm trying to find the courage to walk into the municipality office, the health post and the school board office and explain who I am and explore my options. Its pretty intimidating, I'm afraid between my not so perfect spanish and my wanting them to like me and help me, they ll trick me into doing some hideous job. It wouldnt be the first time that's happened to a volunteer.
I really want to find new work outside the hogars, because I don't want to get in the habit of going everyday and just being another one of their workers. Frankly, its a bit boring and they don't really need much help. At the orphanage there are currently 3 volunteers from Germany living and working there full time. That's 3 volunteers, 5 nuns, 4 aspiring nuns and a handful of other people like psychologists, cooks, gardeners and other volunteers and groups who come in sporadically. These numbers don't really mean anything unless you know how many kids there are in the Hogar. There are 21. Which means the adult to kid ratio is 2-1, not bad at all. Its a really well run Hogar, but why is this my primary project? My help could be so much better put to use somewhere else. That is why, another one of my goals, is to make sure I don't go to the Hogar to much, just cause I want something to do. Although, the 3 days this week I was there were pretty rewarding. Yesterday I was teaching an exercise class and I wanted to put half the kids in cages. There isn't much discipline at the Hogar, actually, culturally there isn't much discipline. Culturally, nobody really follows the rules, just look at the freeway. Or as I like to call it, the autobahn of death. Anyways, like I said, I have a long way to go. When I stop and think about how it all, its pretty scary, so I try not to. I try to think one day at a time, not setting goals in bigger increments of time than one week.
Next Sunday I am going back to the training center. Peru 10 is arriving this next Friday, and Ive been invited to sit on a panel with a few other PCVs to talk about host families. I think that will be really cool, to not have to be the new group anymore. Plus, its something to look forward to and see all my old trainers. Something else I have to look forward to is my birthday. Both Jake and Jah will be in Lima for it. We have a certain committee meeting the day of my birthday, which is a Friday, so there will be a few people from each group in for the whole weekend. Not only do I get to spend my birthday with a few of my closest friends in Peru, but I get to spend it with other PCVs I don't know and make new friends too! So that's all for now. I meant to come into Lurin to use the Internet a few days ago, but Ive actually been so busy the past few days I haven't had the time.

Monday, September 3, 2007

Right now, I’m going on about 30 hours panic attack free. I’ve had one full day of no freaking out. It feels good to be a stable person again. I know that I will have many more panic attacks over the next two years, but in my one day of clarity, I have been able to see that one day, I will truly love my site. I have loved my peace corps experience thus far, and Ive basically just been screwing around. I can only imagine what it will be like, for once in my life, to feel like I am actually doing something that's making a difference. However, I'm still pretty afraid of the kids, although I'm getting more confident everyday, I just have no idea what I'm supposed to be doing with them. At least I know that's pretty much how everyone feels.
I can’t wait to make friends. I’ve always boasted that I make friends easily. Not just that, I’ve judged people negatively for being unable to make friends new environments. This is the first time in my life I haven’t been surrounded by people to automatically befriend. I work with kids….and nuns. All of whom, go to bed at 8 o’clock at night. I think I’m going to start doing dance classes at my gym and there’s an English school in Lurin so I’m going to try to start some intercabios and hopefully I will make some friends that way. Unfortunately, my family has not been an automatic source of friends. They are really nice, don’t get me wrong. But they stay in the house a lot and have not introduced me to the neighbors at all. I blame this on the fact that I am a replacement site. The last girl was kind of a homebody, so the family treats me like a homebody too. So my family just leaves me alone and doesnt really talk to me. So many other volunteers have host families who take them around and introduce them too the entire community, often times throwing week long parties upon their arrival. Being a replacement volunteer is harder then I thought, and in a completely different way than I ever would have imagined. I could write an entire entry about the challenges of replacing a volunteer who is the complete opposite of me.
Like I was saying, I need friends. Not only am I not supposed to do things alone, for safety reasons, but Peruvian friends will show me things I never would have discovered on my own. Going back to what I said before, in my exploring, I’ve realized that one day I will truly love my site. But, I need friends. I NEED them. I have friends, some even close by. But they are Americans. When I lived in Spain, I never really had Spanish friends, and I regret that. And I know, to truly integrate and become part of the community I am living in, I need Peruvian Friends. Then, I wont feel like such a prisoner in my room. I will have the option of calling up a friend and hanging out with them in the evenings, instead of sitting alone in my room or watching horrible Peruvian telenovelas with my host family. This is where my patience will be tested. What they call "confianza" here takes time. Getting to be excepted as part of the community will take time. And its hard because it doesn't happen over night, I feel like doing something wrong, that nobody likes me. I have to remember its only been 8 days. Just gotta keep on truckin. I think that's the theme of the first few months they call the integration period....

Saturday, September 1, 2007

Site.....

ve been in my site now for a week. Why has it taken so long to post? It´s not for lack of Internet access or anything real excuse. I´ve actually used the Internet almost everyday since I arrived. No no, I haven´t posted because sadly I´ve been having a lot of really horrible panic attacks everyday that I´ve been here. It´s weird and I don´t really understand it. I like my site, it´s a great site. There is a ton of stuff to do, it´s close to Lima and the possibilities for work are endless. I´m positive and trying to keep everything in perspective, but I just can´t control these panic attacks. It´s hard, because most people don´t know what it feels like to have a panic attack, so they can´t understand how disabling it is to have them continuously throughout the day.
All the other PCV´s would laugh at me if they knew how great I have it and how badly I am taking to it. There´s are two gym´s in Lurin which I will join shortly and start up dance classes as well. I rode my bike to the beach the other day. I made chocolate chip cookies for the nuns and they loved them. I choreographed a dance to the YMCA and taught it to a group of 6th grade boys at the orphanage and they preformed it for one of the nuns on her birthday. I got invited to a lunch at the sub directors house in Lima and realized one of the big upsides to having a site so close to Lima is that I will get to know the Peace Corps staff really well and that will hopefully come in handy later in life. My family is really sweet. They are very quite and don ´t do a whole lot besides work but they have been very understanding about me being a giant wimp. I haven´t been able to eat much so I think my mom is a bit concerned, but hopefully my appetite will come back and I will start to feel normal.
I really do feel ridiculous. I didn´t have a single panic attack during training and all the sudden I feel like I´ve had my legs cut out from underneath me. I know it´s hard for everyone, but I feel especially weak. Most people in my group are really surprised that I´m having such a hard time. I really hope with in one more week the panic attacks ease up a bit, if they don´t, I will have to do something. I don´t know what, but I can´t keep living like this. Wow, that was morbid. Don´t worry guys, I´m gonna keep on trucking. I know that all this hard stuff is good for me and gonna make me a stronger better person. One of the big reasons I joined the Peace Corps. I will hopefully post in a few days, and cross your fingers that I will be feeling better.