Site.....

I´ve been in my site now for a week. Why has it taken so long to post? It´s not for lack of Internet access or anything real excuse. I´ve actually used the Internet almost everyday since I arrived. No no, I haven´t posted because sadly I´ve been having a lot of really horrible panic attacks everyday that I´ve been here. It´s weird and I don´t really understand it. I like my site, it´s a great site. There is a ton of stuff to do, it´s close to Lima and the possibilities for work are endless. I´m positive and trying to keep everything in perspective, but I just can´t control these panic attacks. It´s hard, because most people don´t know what it feels like to have a panic attack, so they can´t understand how disabling it is to have them continuously throughout the day.
All the other PCV´s would laugh at me if they knew how great I have it and how badly I am taking to it. There´s are two gym´s in Lurin which I will join shortly and start up dance classes as well. I rode my bike to the beach the other day. I made chocolate chip cookies for the nuns and they loved them. I choreographed a dance to the YMCA and taught it to a group of 6th grade boys at the orphanage and they preformed it for one of the nuns on her birthday. I got invited to a lunch at the sub directors house in Lima and realized one of the big upsides to having a site so close to Lima is that I will get to know the Peace Corps staff really well and that will hopefully come in handy later in life. My family is really sweet. They are very quite and don ´t do a whole lot besides work but they have been very understanding about me being a giant wimp. I haven´t been able to eat much so I think my mom is a bit concerned, but hopefully my appetite will come back and I will start to feel normal.
I really do feel ridiculous. I didn´t have a single panic attack during training and all the sudden I feel like I´ve had my legs cut out from underneath me. I know it´s hard for everyone, but I feel especially weak. Most people in my group are really surprised that I´m having such a hard time. I really hope with in one more week the panic attacks ease up a bit, if they don´t, I will have to do something. I don´t know what, but I can´t keep living like this. Wow, that was morbid. Don´t worry guys, I´m gonna keep on trucking. I know that all this hard stuff is good for me and gonna make me a stronger better person. One of the big reasons I joined the Peace Corps. I will hopefully post in a few days, and cross your fingers that I will be feeling better.