Stress

Yay, look how happy and fun loving I look in this picture! Well, this picture was taken weeks ago and I don´t think I have felt that relaxed since then.
I have been absurdly stressed out these past two weeks. Even before the nun sat me down and told me everything that was wrong with me and my work, I have been uncomfortably taut. I’ve even had a few minor panic attacks, but nothing compared to my first week at site. I guess, now that summer is here and all the kids are gone, it feels like I’m starting from scratch all over again. the root of all my stress is my uncontrollable need to please every one. So one of my informal new years resolution is to not be so obsessed with pleasing people. My formal new years resolution is to read the entire Harry Potter series in Spanish. I like more tangible resolutions, like the year I decided I would learn how to do the splits. I can honestly say I put in a decent amount of work on that one, but in the end I had to give it up. Turns out, I just don’t bend that way. Like the splits, I fear that retraining my body not to be so anxiety ridden, goes against nature and it will be an all uphill battle. So instead of focusing on the physical characteristics of my stress, I will concentrate on the causes of my anxieties.

Speaking of manifesting sress physically, my Doctor informed me today I have TMJ. I sent him an email a few weeks ago about the progressively worse symptoms, and he let me know his diagnosis by showing me a power point presentation about TMJ he had made, which featured my email as the second slide. He said I was a textbook case and is using the symptoms I stated in my email as a learning tool for others. Apparently, it is more common in women and is also hereditary. I mentioned in the email something about my mom telling me she has similar problems, so thanks mom, for the gift that keeps on giving. And just like she told me last year when I first started to notice that something was wrong, my doctor says there’s nothing I can really do about it. Unless things get really bad, then I have to have jaw surgery. And considering what a baby I was getting my wisdom teeth out, jaw surgery is not something I would like to have this lifetime.

As far as tackling the source of the stress in my life, it´s going to be a tricky matter. There is no such thing as a stress free life, but I’m just looking to cut back to 1 pack a day. I spoke with my APCD (boss-lady) today about the whole nun issue. We have arranged a date for her to come down to the orphanage and explain my role as a volunteer to her. I think this will be a good thing, but I’m preoccupied now with the things the nun will tell my boss and am mildly teffified my boss will side with the head nun. While that likely hood of that happening is slim to nun (no pun intended), I still worry about my boss being in my site. Even more stressful than my boss seeing first hand my work, is the prospect of the vice-presedent of all of Peace Corps coming to my site. I passed my country director today as I was in the office and he informed me that the big-wigs from Washington were coming to check out the program in Peru. And since my site is so close to the office, I was on the life of places they were going to visit. That will really help my stress level and need to please every one.

Another way I’m trying to get rid of stress, is to step up my work. I am working right now, on a bunch or project proposals for both Hogars. On Friday I have a meeting with the psychologist from the girls home to lay out my work plan for this coming year. Since it is such an important meeting, we have selected a serious setting to discuss the important matters of the sexually abused girls. So naturally, we are meeting in a McDonalds, in the most touristy part of Lima. This may seem like a very strange place for any one who hasn’t spent time in a developing country. Like many countries other than the US, Mc Donald’s is an upper middle class, modern, even classy establishment. This is a country where KFC is still called Kentucky Fried Chicken and has plasma screen TV’s. In Peru, the coffee at Duncan Doughnuts is considered expensive and gourmet and Payless Shoe Source is store where only an elite percent of the population is able to purchase uncomfortable, crappy shoes. So, Mc Donald’s is the location of my big important meeting. But I guess it’s probably a good thing, cause how can anybody be stressed out while they are consuming a McFlurry?

And I leave you with a very tranquil picture of the sun setting over the ocean in Lima. This is the few from my friends apartment where I go when I need to unwind. Not to shabby.