A Desperate House wife

This is my 100th post on my blog!

As I write this, I am sitting in the guest bedroom of my friends apt in Lima drinking boxed red wine and eating a 60% coca Intense Dark, Ghirardelli, Mint Bliss chocolate square. I'm hiding out in the guest bedroom cause my friend needed some privacy to have a talk with a special man friend.....God knows how long I will be stuck in here. I came in today to get my long run of the week for my marathon training out of the way so I won't be super tired tomorrow night to celebrate my friend’s birthday. I finished my run about a 2 hours ago and am all showered and iced down. I only mention this because it is such a stark contrast to the nights I spend at site which usually involve a heavy carbohydrate meal instead of chocolate and wine, and a good book instead of wireless internet. Things have been pretty crazy on the home front anyways, so it's nice to escape and relax for the night.

I'll start my family affair with a scene from this afternoon. We didn't have any water for a good 36 hours. So when the water finally came back on around noon, I brought down the dirty mugs that had accumulated in my room to wash. There were 4 mugs in total (I've been on a big tea drinking kick lately). When I entered the kitchen, my host mom offered me some grapes and then sat down at the table. As I was washing my mugs I heard her start to cry. My first reaction, besides feeling extremely uncomfortable, was to listen closely to figure out if she was trying to conceal the tears so I wouldn't notice or purposefully sob louder and louder until it got my attention. If I could decode her tears, I would know the correct way to respond. After the 4th mug was washed, it became clear to me that she was crying to get my attention. I wanted to flee. I knew why she was crying, I knew that she wanted me to ask why she was crying and then she would proceed to talk for 30 minutes and tell me the same thing she's been telling me for the past week. But I just wanted to leave. Washing the mugs was the last thing I had to do while cleaning me room. And after I cleaned my room I was going to go to the market and take care of some errands. But I took the plunge instead. I asked her if she was okay and if I could get her anything. She said she was fine and then went into a very tearful rendition of same song she's been singing to any one who will lend an ear. One thing was clear. I had finally been fully immersed into the family and at the moment I felt I was in over my head.

It all started a week ago when Viviana told me she had decided it was time for her to move out of the house. I met Vivi at the gym and since moving in with her and her family, she has been my main source of friendship and sanity at site. This announcement was quite a shock to me, I had no idea she was even thinking about it. But she explained and I completely support her decision. Vivi is a single, 34 year old woman with a son who will turn 18 in June. She has lived with her parents her whole life. She has a good job and is smart, modern woman. Now that her son is fully grown, she feels that it is time that they go out on their own for both of their benefit. Like I said, I fully support the decision.

Viviana's mother on the other hand, does not. The woman has been down right hysterical over the situation, and examining her reaction provides an interesting dichotomy of the life of a house wife and the differences between generations and culture. Vivi's mom is not too terribly upset that Vivi is leaving, but that she is taking her son, Bruce. In the words of her mother, Bruce is not ready to leave the house. He doesn't know how to cook or clean. This is a funny statement to me for two reasons. The first being, he won't be out on his own. Bruce will still be living with his mother. The second being, when most 18 year olds leave for college in the US, they don't know how to cook or clean either.

The fact that Bruce will be living with his mother doesn't mean anything to the 69 year old house wife. In her words, Vivi has a job and doesn't cook or clean. Who will take care or Bruce? Since Vivi always lived with her parents, the grandma feels like she is more Bruce’s mother than his actual mother because she cooked for him and did his laundry his whole life. She actually said to me that Vivi was only his mother when he was still on the tit and since then, she has been the one who has cared and nurtured him. In her tearful tale at lunch today, she pleaded with me to talk to Vivi, to convince her into letting Bruce stay at least until he is 18 so she can teach him the necessary things he will need to survive. But they're not moving for another few weeks. Why is she so busy crying and not busy teaching him how to do laundry and cook a pot of rice? It only takes a few weeks to teach some one the ropes. But at the base of it, that's not really the problem. The problem is my host mother is an old house wife. She measures her self worth in caring for her children. She said today that all her other children are grown and don't need help. She is just going through the empty nest syndrome.

I did also mention to her, how in my country, it's very common for boys and girls to move out on their own, the majority of whom are not entirely "ready". I tried to explain to her the concept growing and learning through new experiences and how it will make him a better person to be more independent. It will make him a better husband and father someday because he will be able to help out around the house and not need to be taken care of by his wife, like another child. This idea left her speechless. Then the next day, she was talking to some of her other kids. I wasn't even in the conversation and all the sudden she snapped at me saying "I know that may be how they do it in your country, but that is not how we do it here!" and then she just kept saying "he's not ready, he's not ready, he's not ready". Again, I would like to reinforce that he is not moving out on his own but he will be living with his mother, and they are only moving 3 blocks away! I'm sure Bruce will just bring his laundry over to be washed by his grandma. But this even this statement will not calm my hysterical host mother.

Everybody else in the house supports Vivi's decision to move. Her mother is desperately trying to get me on her side so it's putting my in a sticky situation. Now my host mom is getting mad at me because I won't go on her side. There are just so many concepts that she fails to grasp and it is so frustrating for me to try and get her to see things from a different angle. Needless to say there is a lot of tension in the house and therefore my run, wine and chocolate feel especially good tonight. I try to be understanding of where my host mom is coming from, but she makes such a spectacle of it all. I didn't know 69 year old women could be such drama queens. It brings a whole new meaning to the term desperate house wives.