The Toughest Job You`ll Ever Love

The two Hogars where I spend most of my time are very different from one another. Making one more challenge I face daily, on a seemingly never ending list. The Orphanage is mostly boys all under the age of 11. There is non-stop screaming, hitting and the kids in general run wild. The home for sexually abused girls has girls of all ages from infants to young mothers. They are all quite and I feel like I`m pulling teeth to get them to participate in discussions. The orphanage has been easier from the start. All you have to do is show up, and the kids love you. When I walk in the door they all come running at me and overwhelm me hugs and kisses. When it comes time to eat lunch, all the kids beg me to sit at their table. And I`m getting to the point where the love is mutual. I adore and care so much for all the kids that when I go back to the states in two years, it will be hard not to take one with me. The problems I face mostly at the orphanage is trying to keep their attention long enough to do any kind of activity. I`ve come to except that order and discipline will never be as I was used to in the US. There have been times at the orphanage where I have wanted nothing more than to put the kids in cages.

At the home for sexually abused girls I am facing a completely different set of problems. When I am teaching a work shop, there is no screaming, hitting or chaos. They mostly sit in silence and when I ask them to do simple tasks like write down things they like to do in their free time, they say they can`t think of anything. The don`t love me just for being there like the little boys in the orphanage. I can`t win them over with my ability to walk on my hands or raise one eye brow. They have been mistreated, abandoned and don`t trust anyone. It is very frustrating to try and work with these girls, especially since I don`t have perfect language skills. But I also understand where they are coming from and know how hard life is for them. After each workshop I meet with the home`s psychologist and we talk about the girls. It breaks my heart. Today we talked about a 15 year old girl with a 18 month old daughter and how she wants me to pay her special attention cause she`s suffering from depression. Her mother has mental problems and was unable to stop her at-the-time-boyfriend from sexually abusing her daughter. Now this poor 15 year old has a baby born out of abuse, a mother who can`t take care of her and is living in a home full of girls in similar situations.

I remember this girl as being the first girl to talk to me and open up to me the first day I arrived at the Hogar. I was feeling pretty scared and lonely myself so we were able to talk about how hard it is to be separated from your family and live in a strange place. She is a very sweet girl and very smart. Right now, even though I am running workshops on self esteem, the most important thing I am doing is not the teaching lessons but gaining the trust and confidence of these girls so they will let me in their lives and allow me to help them. I`m realistic and know there isn`t a whole lot I am capable of doing for them. But I can be there for them, and at the very least, give them hope that there is a better life out there. I feel really down and out sometimes, in the whole cultural adjustment process, but then I come to this Hogar and it puts my problems in perspective and reminds me why I suffer through the tough times at site. After all, Peace Corps is the toughest job you`ll ever love, so they say.